3 Months from Retirement, or: Scarcity Goblins
The time was approximately 6:15 AM. I could see the moon through the windows, our fake fire was blazing as it does every morning after I grab coffee and flip the fire switch on the wall. Maya was snoring away, cuddled up at the foot of the couch.
I’ve journaled every morning for years, and though this is not about to be a post detailing my ‘successful morning routine,’ it is a time of day that I really cherish. I’m usually alone (save Maya and her snores), the house is quiet, and it is that beautiful time between sleeping and getting started with the day when my mind starts to gather itself and put thoughts and emotions into words. It feels sacred- until I blow it up by pulling out my laptop.
Journaling is a promise I keep to myself, but lately I’ve been cutting that gift of peace and quiet a little short in favor of CHECKING FINANCIAL ACCOUNTS with a fervor heretofore unknown to humankind.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration, of course. But still.
Let’s pause here to acknowledge that the markets are down. The reasons that the markets are down are far, far worse than the actual market being down. When a war is started without congressional approval so that everyday citizens will hopefully ignore the fact that our president is being accused of pedophilia, and said war is causing oil prices to surge and also there are huge job losses… yeah. The markets are going to go down.
And also- I’m definitely not ignoring the women who are coming forward with their accusations about this president and others before him. Hopefully you aren’t either.
Amidst all of this horror, it feels silly to write about feelings of scarcity when we are 3 months out from retirement. Maybe it is. But it’s also true and real. And if it’s happening to me, maybe it’s happening to you too.
And if you are feeling scarcity right now, or hell- even outright fear about the state of things? Maybe this will feel like a bit of validation for those feelings and we can move forward from that place. Feeling heard, feeling seen.
Scarcity is such a buzzword right now, but here’s what it looks like for me:
Something sets it off. This could be the markets declining, a huge medical bill, imminent retirement.
My nervous system starts revving. “Ok, x thing happened? No big deal, we can just check accounts 15 times a day, update numbers, create new spreadsheets, think about what we could cut/how we could make more money/I bet I could wait tables for a few months/what if I did a no-spend week?” Etc. Helpful!
I look for ways to calm my body. In the past this was: eating in front of the TV, drinking more than usual, taking CBD gummies, or sometimes a healthy thing like taking a walk or doing a DI. Thankfully I now have a toolbox of healthy ways to calm myself down. My current favorite is exhausting myself with a Sydney workout.
I finally arrive at pattern recognition. Ohhh, I see what’s going on here. This is just my old pal Scarcity popping in.
What’s really cool is that this response cycle has now gotten way shorter. In ye olden times, let’s say pre-Covid, it could take days, even weeks to recognize what was happening and get my nervous system back to homeostasis. This morning it all happened in a few hours (and that’s without CBD or alcohol! Woot!)
This is growth. It would be amazing if I could wave a magic wand and heal these feelings forever, ensuring that I never felt anxiety creep in or the need to find quick solutions to emotions that probably just need to be felt. But since this is life, (and our current leader is intent on earning the ‘worst human ever’ award) I think it is ok, pretty great actually, that I’m conscious of this pattern. From that place I can move forward.
So now I’d love to know- if you are someone who can lean towards scarcity, how do you move through it? Simple math? Taking care of yourself? Put your answer in the comments below- who knows who it might help?